Wild Wild West: AKA Problematic, Problematic West

This is a strange predicament we have here. Much like the strange and comedic contrast of fantastical steampunk technology atop a Western backdrop, never have we had such a distinct movie and soundtrack experience. Now there’s been similar ventures; Batman Forever was our first foray into a nostalgic film with eclectic song choices, American Pie was a dumb if enjoyable romp with a dumb and torturous soundtrack, and Alexander hadn’t even seen Digimon so he was stuck with just yet another ska laden session.

But what of Wild Wild West? Let’s just acknowledge this film in that we could have hour long discussions of each and every scene, it is a bizarre, troubling miracle of movie making. A miracle in the sense that it ever got made. As we vividly recall just some of the bonkers inclusions, we are alleviated by the surprisingly refreshing inclusions in the official soundtrack. I could explain more in this introduction but the usual quote I select sums up this visual and aural adventure into a very ’90’s wild West.

“Big Willie gets Dru Hill dressed as the Wild Bunch and these guys are stuck with Gilderoy Lockhart and his mechanical legs.”

Devon: Let’s find out what happens when his hand be where his hip be at.

Alexander: As big Willie always says, “let’s make this look alright”.

Devon: We can start very pleased because he makes this, being our series, look significantly more alright. Barring perhaps Forever, this is the strongest album we’re about to review, and that had such a strong nostalgic hook. Will Smith is the undisputed champion of soundtrack songs I think it is safe to say.

Alexander: This rivals Batman for best opener, definitely, nobody comes close to touching him, and if they do, he simply grabs his wicky, wicky whips them back. The version I heard, from Willennium, starts with an spoken introduction between Will and a a very young Jaden insisting they play Wild Wild West, much to Will’s dismay. A subtle way of saying this is the only song his own child enjoys.

Wild Wild West Will Smith

Devon: It’s very cute, and I must admit I’m not one for spoken interludes. Thought that may just be my first reference is the Stone Cold skits on WWE Originals.

Alexander: Lots of people say the one evil that De La Soul brought into this world is endless spoken skits. At least they don’t have Eminem style sound effects, I can’t imagine how this song would’ve benefited from fart noises.

Devon: If farts were involved in the actual film narrative in any way, Will would’ve managed to squeeze one out and fit it in. He manages to turn every one of his films into a musical number, he could write a verse on that farting scene in Scooby Doo 2 and still make it a club banger.

Alexander: I love that scene in Ali where Ali goes, “boxing is really like…. dancin’” and then he raps for eighteen minutes.

Devon: Reminded me when seeing the related YouTube content that he also delivered the only real salvageable aspect of Men In Black II; Nod Ya Head, anyone? That, and Patrick Warburton crying over pie are the only two things worthwhile.

Alexander: Now we can talk about the music video in a moment, because it is amazing, but I did note some of the storytelling he does in this. He does reference the Ghostbusters in his title song for a Western. Do you think it’s a way of saying that if you liked that movie, you might also… want to see this movie?

Devon: He does phrase it in the way of, “Now who ya gonna call? Not the G.B.’s”. Which when considered next to the ten seconds of silence and then, “FUCK BILL MURRAY”, is perhaps suggesting something competitive.

Alexander: Another great addition by Jaden.

Devon: There were a couple of lyrics where I did note he shied away; he name drops the villain Loveless fairly extensively but only briefly says that he’s, “got mad weapons too”. Could big Willie not throw one line in about giant mechanical spiders? “Hide ya Kevin Kline, ha ha!, ’cause I spied tha’ giant spider!”

Alexander: It’s so weird that he wouldn’t mention the giant mechanical spider, because literally the one memorable thing about Wild Wild West is the giant mechanical spider. But nope, instead he repeatedly mentions his name, it’s very Jim West central, too, poor Kevin doesn’t even get a drop, just,

“my partner”! “Ya bound to to get a thrill if you check The Big Chill! Hunchback of Notre Damn, ya, don’t forget Pink Panther! I know ya wanna catch A Fish Called Wanda!”

Devon: If we’re really grilling lyrics:

Untitled

Alexander: That is actually kind of slick; he gets away with a lazy rhyme because of how slick he is. Well, he got away with it… until today. Has to change his name to Dry Willy. Also, I just noticed Enrique Iglesias is in the music video, just waiting to perform his song next, presumably.

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Devon: One of many cameos! This genuinely feels like a legitimate big Willie party, along with Stevie Wonder and Alfonso Ribeiro! But not Kevin. Carlton gives just the smuggest grin as he tips his hat, cashing in on that Fresh Prince success until he can get centre stage to dance with the stars.

Alexander: It’s such a quality video overall; a lot of styling suits, big Willie gets a costume change, and even pauses his own song just to toss his hat. If only more songs paused so the artist could throw their clothes about. Unforgiven could’ve ended with a nice dance party like this.

Devon: Yet, as awesome as his fancy white suit toward the end, nothing beats Sisqo and his wild chaps and vest combo for styling and profiling.

Alexander: This video did force me to ask, what is a Sisqo? What the hell was that dude? He did the Thong Song right? That horrible, awful Thong Song?

Devon: This is his thing; a singer of the time who loved flipping, being topless, and evidently, thongs. It’s admittedly incredible to see the live performances where he’s appearing out of giant Super Mario pipes and launching onto stage like the Luigi to big Willie.

Alexander: The ending of this song only emboldens the joke about big Willie that he woo-hoos and laughs constantly. Do you think he was watching a cut of the film while he recorded this and was just enjoying it a bit too much?

Devon: That would make one person who enjoys it that much. They definitely missed a catch when casting big Willie as the Aladdin reboot’s Genie, when they could’ve got him for Uncle Albert for Mary Poppins Returns, he does love to laugh.

Alexander: Eventually they have to move because he just never returns to the ground, even after putting MIB II hoping it settles him down. It’s on ITV2 every shitting weekend and he breaks into hysterics every time at him speaking beatbox as an alien language.

Bailamos Enrique Iglesias

Alexander: Straight to the fuck jams by fuck jam extraordinaire, Enrique Iglesias. What a strong pattern we have in our articles, and this song is just dripping with… something; it’s very sweaty, as one would be in the desert.

Devon: There were two music videos, Seal style, and the second one is Western themed; arbitrary movie footage and Enrique being chased by a harem of women the entire song. It’s no blasting it out by the bat signal but it was still a popular number.

Alexander: It did alright, didn’t it, and weirdly, people do appear to tie it directly to Wild Wild West given the numerous YouTube comments.

Devon: Here’s the interesting thing at this point in the album; unlike the prior soundtracks we’ve covered, only the title track Wild Wild West and this were actually featured in the film, and both in the end credits.

Alexander: They figured between giant mechanical spiders and elasticated lynching nooses, that playing anachronistic music was a step too far for the Wild Wild West property.

Devon: Despite this, against the other films we’ve discussed trying their best to jam in an arbitrary array of popular songs to cash in maximum entertainment, this album actually went double platinum after just a week. While Forever and Digimon shoot for the moon with bizarre choices, American Pie was an obituary to a dated genre. Wild Wild West remarkably delivers something new in our audio journey in that it sets out to compile hip hop of the era and genuinely succeeds in an enjoyable album, regardless of the attached film.

Alexander: It feels like an album targeted for people who like this genre of music, for better or worse, has a deliberate intention to it. Rather than the American Pie attitude of faithfully mimicking the college experience of hastily made party mix-tapes featuring terrible music choices. The worst factor of ska-mageddon, which we discussed before, is many of the well known, and actually still referenced, songs were evidently too expensive to feature on the soundtrack CD. This is a similar case but there seems to be a real lavish production behind a number of these tracks.

Devon: I would be shocked if Enrique was not on either of the soundtracks for the Banderas Zorro films.

Alexander: I felt for a second there must’ve been a song for Zorro, but then I realised that was just a Simpsons joke spoofing all the films that had needless songs. This is a very okay pop song, it certainly wouldn’t drive me mad if it was constantly on the radio. Mainly because I don’t have a radio, but still.

Devon: Whippy, whippy, wild west. One last thing I did find while looking for material to discuss with Enrique was very troubling. His third album Cosas Del Amor had a tour sponsored by the ol’ Ronaldo the clown.

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Alexander: I love Enrique’s black lodge doppelganger just watching it unfold. There’s a very calm and ordinary aura about Enrique and the lodge knew they needed just one thing to make his wiki an unexpected shock to the fandom. His famed mole just wasn’t enough.

Confused BLACKstreet

Devon: Speaking of confused… um, segue. We venture into music not in the film itself but, “inspired by the motion picture”, a pretty miraculous notion that anything could be inspired by this film.

Alexander: Here is the point where whomever compiled the album  considered two songs that sound Western is enough. I’m not sure which character this could represent, We’ve had adventure and romance, and this feels very jealous and angry, dare I say this is Kenneth Branagh’s ballad?

Devon: Perhaps! The lyrics do open with complaints about being alone, which is a significant tonal shift down after the two fuck lords big Willie and Enrique.

Alexander: Big Willie is the ladies man who the Pie lads aspire to be, whereas this song is quite whiny and closer to their reality. BLACKstreet are a known name, No Diggity is still a good song.

Devon: If only Jason Biggs could rap about how he can’t stop cumming in his pants. I’m beginning to suspect Confused is a cry for help from the band after they watched Wild Wild West and were contracted to sing about it. Big Willie gets Dru Hill dressed as the Wild Bunch and these guys are stuck with Gilderoy Lockhart and his mechanical legs.

Alexander: I had forgotten until a recent revisit just how comically villainous Loveless is in this. Straight up introduces himself as a proud Confederate after blowing up the head of an Abe Lincoln pinata. The film does not pull any punches in being aggressively overt toward racism in the Western era.

Devon: So inappropriate for an adventure film, and TV reboot, that’s aiming for families. The phrase, “don’t go there!” was big in the late ’90’s, and maybe those were words this film should’ve heeded. In a period setting where a white man in his privileged position doesn’t even need to be subtle; he could just yell the n-word right before the magnet death buzz saw chase. The fact alone that scene exists means nothing adjacent would feel out of place.

Alexander: He does yell, “that boy’s gonna get a whuppin'”. Right before a henchman with two swords for hands comes out and does Kung Fu which he claims he learnt from a “China man”. This third track is representative of us, the audience, because I am confused!

Devon: He actually says, “that’s it, no more mister knife guy” before beating him. Good Lord, Will. Welp, like the next song suggests, let’s Keep It Movin’.

Keep It Movin’ MC Lyte

Alexander: This song introduces something that this album is built on: triangles. Almost every R&B song had a cheeky tingling triangle somewhere in its many layers.

Devon: Triangles, and those Latin, um, clam shells. Neither of which feature in the actual film.

Alexander: At this point, there is very subtle ephemera of Western themes, but I’d rather have a song like this, that isn’t about the West, than a terrible song about giant mechanical spiders. I like it, and it’s nice to get a female rapper.

Devon: They are good! Quite a few have that New Jack Swing vibe, if my brief music history lessons are serving me right. Very ’90’s but in a good developmental way and not a cheap, dated sense like some of the butt rock we’ve endured.

Alexander: That’s really true, you can hear the influences more clearly and that they’re trying to do something with those influences. There’s some funk and soul throughout the album, which is perfect because Jim West is so utterly funky and soulful.

Devon: There’s so much soul in that dance scene where he cross-dresses to save Kevin, remember that scene?

Alexander: I remember Kevin cross-dressing because it’s the image that I use every time I get a private moment, if you know what I mean!

Devon: The only thing worse in that scene is the reaction shots of pasty white Kenneth getting turned on.

Alexander: It wasn’t in the script, they tried to cool him off but he was too randy to be stopped. I do believe he has no dick so he had to put all that horniness up top in his facial expressions until he releases it in one giant sneeze.

Devon: If this film was just one certificate higher then it really would have been a wild wild West. So, now just as Kenneth is, we’re Getting Closer to the finish.

Getting Closer Tatyana Ali

Alexander: A notable fact; this song is performed by Tatyana Ali, big Willie’s cousin Ashley in The Fresh Prince. He’s really hitting up his old cast mates for favours, we were so close to Uncle Phil’s solo hit, (Are You) Out of Your Horny Little Adolescent Mind.

Devon: Another fairly laid back track, we’re definitely going off brand from the actual film here, but again, can’t complain too much. We’re reaching the middle of the album now, and having recognised a pattern in prior discussions, do you feel we’re declining into another relaxed slump?

Alexander: For sure; I get the feeling because it started so very hard, it’s now just saying, “Hey, take your shoes off, pop open a cold one (a drink), and nod your juicy head”. Like it’s intended to be listened to as an album, standing on it’s own individual merit. You might even throw it on at a party.

Devon: Which might be what the other albums are intended for also, and maybe where we’re going wrong.

Alexander: Are you suggesting that if we listened to the American Pie OST as one full experience, without breaking it down, we’d love it?

Devon: I’m stating a social gathering without intense prolonged debates over the music choices is perhaps the ideal scenario. With some of these albums, I have to say, you have got to be careful it doesn’t turn into a fuck party. Though, if we went to a house party where they were listening to the American Pie CD, we would be equally uncomfortable for probably different reasons.

Alexander: With this song, it’s more like a hand holding party; such a sweet and gentle song. If we were at a party playing the American Pie CD, we’d be rich because it would mean we’d invented a time machine.

Devon: We must’ve fallen asleep in the hot tub again. In a way, that feels like a more dated reference than American Pie and Wild Wild West.

Alexander: How is that film such a deep cut already? We still have to venture on through that soft hand holding, and whoever Tra-Knox is, he’s been listening to some Seal.

Lucky Day Tra-Knox

Devon: He is also featured in Nod Ya Head, further evidence this album is definitely the regular gang that big Willie invites to his parties.

Alexander: The only invitation RVSP is signing an undisclosed recording contract, many of which he cashed in on this album. This song is a bit boring, and a little dark, too; whoever recorded it has some emotional pain going on that isn’t tied to the film.

Devon: Saying that, Tra does put some effort in on the vocals; he really projects which saves it from being one of the more middling songs. Just as we’re all about to comedown, though, at the party, here comes those lovable rascals; it’s Dre and Slim!

Bad Guys Always Die Dr. Dre & Eminem

Alexander: They’ve arrived by steam train and have just kicked in the door. I’m picturing their own spin-off where they go treasure hunting, so many of Eminem’s music videos are DuckTales like adventures. Until that is Dre ends up on that milk carton.

Devon: It wasn’t just a metaphor, “Dr. Dre’s dead, he’s locked in my basement”, it was true. This song is very much like two kids playing dress up with each other, except they spend thousands of dollars on it and take it very seriously. Today they play cowboys, tomorrow superheroes in Without Me. We need a Shady cameo in Westworld season 2!

Alexander: The second Western with robots people think of after this. It’s no true Western until Kevin comes in wearing sand bag titties.

Alexander: “Let’s shoot him in the kneecaps, he’ll never see it comin'”, “but he ain’t got no legs, they cut ’em off at the stomach”. These guys really watched the film and memorised details, we’re back at a big Willie level of love and effort.

Devon: We want stuff that’s well made and irrevocably tied to the material. This song is both; fun as hell, and kind of funny that Dre couldn’t make a lighter, more child-friendly song than this. It goes hard, and it’s the exact kind of mid-album wake up call we’ve been asking for.

Alexander: It spins you around and shoots you in the kneecaps, provided you have them. Can you have knees and no caps? These are the questions that keep me up at night!

Devon: Yeah, you can! Those little things make your leggy muscles thirty percent stronger, so don’t get them shot out! You’re going to need those to run away from giant mechanical spiders and Ted Levine.

Alexander: Especially Ted Levine.

Devon: An actor who was also in Flubber, so he had a casting agent who really believed every family film of the ’90’s needed Buffalo Bill. Maybe this next song is from his perspective?

Mailman Faith Evans

Alexander: His character in this might’ve been a mass murderer, but that doesn’t mean he’s not waiting for his baby to come and make it better. And by it, I mean his gross trumpet ear.

Devon: We shouldn’t be too critical of just a few of his actions; he is a human being, and like Jim West kicking that Frankenstein fella out of the giant mechanical spider, there was violence on all sides. It was un-American of Jim to take down such a historic monument.

Alexander: Nobody is innocent in Wild Wild West. It’s hard to say whether his decapitation was justified, though I might have got that detail wrong. I know someone is decapitated.

Devon: They do rotate a head around and turn it into like a projector at some point, and they see Loveless in his eyeball. Christ almighty, it is impossible to describe this movie without sounding insane. There is not a single component of this film that makes sense, how are these artists writing love songs about it?

Alexander: They saw that one scene where big Willie falls out of the water container nude and found it iconic. I just noticed that R Kelly wrote this song, and because of that, I will sum up this song by saying: fuck him, and everything that he produced.

Devon: Fair enough! Loveless does seem the eccentric weirdo that indulges in piss play, though. I do find Mailman, aside from being written by a human garbage fire, a pretty boring song.

Alexander: It’s probably just like a sprinkler out of his wheelchair, but I digress, it is one of the most unrelated songs of the albums. I do not recall if there is ever a mailman in the film, but there must be because Loveless gets his ass served. Bazinga!

Devon: With that, let’s just move on to the next song. Again, almost as if a time travelling big Willie is peeking on us, just when we criticise the album as middling, he throws in one that has a little more umpf.

I’m Wanted Kel Spencer

Alexander: This is an angry tune, and interesting because it tries to equate modern bad boys with the boys of the American Old West. He calls his Timbs cowboy boots.

Devon: Those equivalences raise some real imaginative fashions. I’m interested in what a ‘low fleece’ is cause they sound comfortable, we’ll have to ask Jon Bongiovi who helped write this.

Alexander: It sounds like a lovely thing to have around Autumn, hopefully M&S does them. I thought I heard a little Dead or Alive in there, that would’ve been a very expensive sample so this album had a proper budget.  They might have even stolen some of these samples, because you can literally hear Kel Spencer run way into the distance at the end.

Devon: Which, it cannot be denied, also sounds a lot like him yanking it. Hard breathing, slapping sounds… must’ve been horrible to record. I thought they stopped doing that after the Mr. Sandman debacle, “lonesome nights” is right, those girls are slapping clam constantly.

Alexander: They learned absolutely nothing from anything. If it isn’t that, then it’s him running to the premiere of the movie when big Willie gave him a last minute invite; they got an extra seat after Kenneth didn’t show due to crippling shame.

Devon: Heh, crippling. We can gauge how much he has learnt because, “the sheriff in this, boys, is police”. Um, Kel, a sheriff is a position and title within the police force.

Alexander: Oh dear, what is he like? Genuinely, I’ve no idea who he is, as he’s one of many artists on this album to not actually have their own Wikipedia entry, despite our compliments to the stellar production. I did read this is his debut, so it’s a first impression, alright.

Devon: Maybe they’re just so proud? If anyone wants to look them up, he specifically requested not to have his own page; this album is what he wants to foremost promote his brand and say who he is as an artist. This speaks for everything that he is, and his legacy, a song that wasn’t in Wild Wild West.

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Alexander: Mate, it’s been eighteen years. Come on. One, I’m pretty surprised Space Jam is available on the iTunes store. Two, I’m hoping they pull a Songs of Innocence and it’s just on everyone’s devices one day.

Devon: Speaking of people who don’t have Wikipedia entries, what about Breeze?

Hero Breeze

Alexander: Falls back into that laid back R&B groove with diminishing returns, it’s quite a snooze; has mild, mild West connotations with the flamenco guitars, again, I feel like half of these tracks were accidentally dropped onto this album instead of The Mask of Zorro soundtrack. I suppose what I’d like is one of the more badass songs performed by a woman as it’d make a nice change.

Devon: By this stage, they’ve started to lean too much into the romantic R&B songs, a strange thought process in several of these albums discussed despite there really not being that much romance in these movies. Though, there are a lot of ladies in that Loveless does have a harem of henchwomen. Let’s not forget Lai Bing is also in this; ingredient #976 of insane stuff to put in a movie.

Alexander: She could’ve had a hype song written from her perspective! Dre and Slim must learn to share their in their musical misadventures. We could’ve had some lyrical insight to that one scene where she flashes her ass and then gets blown away by a man hiding in a painting. Explaining this movie is impossible.

Devon: It’s the first example we’ve had where explaining the song choices and compilation on the soundtrack makes more sense than the actual movie. Even still, we need to try and comprehend the next song.

Chocolate Form Neutral

Alexander: Ah yes, the chocolate form; the form you have to fill in whenever you buy a Snickers. Now, the lyrics do mention a cowboy hat, so someone in the writing department has at least heard the title of the film.

Devon: That was the one note I had on this song. That the lead singer in his story was wearing a cowboy hat while watching a woman strip. Now if that stripper turned out to be big Willie, it’d be a lot closer to the source material.

Alexander: That really is that; just another very horny song. Seriously, did big Willie just slip everyone aphrodisiacs? Won’t someone please think of the children in the audience?

I Sparkle Slick Rick

Devon: If we’re going to comment on inappropriate music topics, this one features a particularly ’90’s comment, “plus the clothes you saw me gorgeous ’bout would make a homosexual ask where I bought that outfit”. It reminded me that Wild Wild West does score a full bingo on cheap and easy jokes with big Willie and the Kline comparing each other’s sandbag titties, which of course the train conductor overhears and gives some comical, judgmental reaction faces.

Alexander: It’s so weird, I listened to this song more attentively than any other because I’m a big fan of it’s producer, Large Professor. I missed that doozie of a lyric, though. If you want your ’90’s film to be timeless and respected you need the classic implication that someone thinks the leads are gay which is the worst thing imaginable. In the same scene with arguable transphobic content, dare we say, that while trying so hard to be wild, the film forgot to not be problematic?

Devon: Problematic, Problematic West has a strong Mel Brooks vibe to it.

Alexander: Aside from that terrible line, the song overall has a really nice, subdued East Coast texture that I love. If Rick wanted to be in a buddy period film about the East then he should’ve rapped for Shanghai Noon.

Devon: This is technically the Bai Ling song, then! Not to imply just because of her race, but in her scene she explicitly says, “East and West” which the writer must’ve thought was extremely clever given it’s the protagonist’s last name and he’s in the West!

Alexander: There we have it, then, Slick Rick is for the ladies after all, and by that, I mean he is terrible towards ladies. Treat Her Like A Prostitute is a clinically straight forward command of a song title, yikes.

Devon: He is not the slickest they is. *cough* callback *cough*

The Best Guy

Alexander: Talking navigation, it’s hard to miss the clear, “take it to the dirty South, that’s what I’m all about” declaration from Guy. Plus, he starts with, “gotta get a piece of this pie”, which is either a callback to our horny, adolescent pie-fuckers in American Pie, or perhaps the Rock’s ballad Pie from WWF The Music Vol. 5.

Devon: Friend, our cultural references may be niche and dated as heck, but in the words of Jim Ross, BAH GAWD, because that song is actually Ft. Slick Rick.

Alexander: Holy shit. It’s also equally as problematic with Asians, but moving away from the glaring issues, you notice Teddy Riley was involved in this band as well as BLACKStreet? This boy was desperate to get involved with the film!

Devon: He just had to get a piece of the Wild Wild West Pie! It really was just a case of whoever is sitting closest to big Willie in that party can be on this soundtrack. He does mention all the directions, perhaps he just got a compass for his birthday. Teddy was stone cold sober at that party, so he knew what kind of film he was getting involved in.

Alexander: He did his research into producing this, and as a result, it sounds like a song you could hear in the movie. Very much the sister song to the title track. So near the end of the album, too! This soundtrack has had a good rhythm of compilation so far but this could’ve been a solid closer.

8 Minutes Till Sunrise Jill Scott Ft. Common

Devon: We have two tracks left yet, and they saved maybe the most prolific and successful artist second to last of all places. Common gets pushed to the back of the queue, bumped for Kel Spencer.

Alexander: This was right before he ventured into the acting business, too. He definitely could’ve snuck in an unexpected if totally perfunctory secondary role as he did with Smokin’ Aces, John Wick 2 and Suicide Squad. Don’t forget The Odd Life of Timothy Green! That’s where he really came into his own as an artist.

Devon: I’ve noticed there are quite a few, perhaps not duets, but songs with two prominent vocalists. Trying to tie it to the buddy nature of the movie? As if Jill Scott and Common are Kline and big Willie, singing lovingly toward each other, which is clearly what he had in mind when he wrote this.

Alexander: It’s so weird to hear such an important novel like Things Fall Apart be referenced on the Wild Wild West soundtrack, though I suppose both are inspired by the W. B. Yeats poem in that “mere anarchy is loosed upon the world” with this film.

Devon: Common’s like that; brings an unexpected level of class to some very strange films, makes the album feel very adult oriented at the end.

Alexander: He survived that club scene with Harley and the Joker, deserves an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor Who Didn’t Just Walk Off Set.

Devon: Honka Honka. I can really imagine Wild Wild West being made this decade and Jared Leto taking the role of Loveless far too seriously. To get in the twisted mind on set, he stayed up all night gluing little metal pipes to spiders and threw them at big Willie. He can’t say it was like giving birth out his asshole, though, cause I don’t think he has one in this film.

Alexander: “I also attended an alt right rally because I- *cough* my character loves the confederacy!” Even the neo nazis thought Jared was an insufferable prick that day.

Devon: The one man Trump will condemn, and rightly condemn. With people sticking out like a sore thumb then, we have one last song to close out the album.

Stick Up Lil’ Bow Wow

Alexander: It sure is a weird one. The back end of the album feels pretty grown up, with some quality material, then it closes with a literal child.

Devon: He was eleven when he debuted on this album. The most genuine cowboy.

Alexander: That is astonishing, because I remember seeing him on TV when I was a kid and thinking he was a big kid. I guess he was; judging by the lyrics, already moonlighting as an armed robber.

Devon: A world before Bow Wow and we were still waiting for the big ball to drop for the Willenium. Like the steampunk advances in the American Old West, this album signified a whole new age, in some ways. In other ways, it almost feels like an unappreciated, if poorly packaged, tribute to a closing chapter of vintage ’90’s hip hop.

Alexander: A fine way to put it; it made it’s mark on the brink of hip hop and R&B becoming the more produced club-banger of early 2000’s. 50 Cent wishes he only took a six-shooter to the chest. I much prefer the production on this album to that style that came after, it’s quite a celebratory look back at the end of a damn good decade of black music. Did I just include Lil’ Bow Wow on a list of “damn good” music?

Devon: Like an underage child at the cinema, he sure snuck his way in. If we’re considering the album as a whole, and considering it’s connected to this movie, it is a fair range of great music. Definitively a complete 180 to the obtusely white music of American Pie and Digimon, which soundtracks resemble auditory asylums. Throw away the key with ska, as far as I’m concerned.

Alexander: By far the most diverse album we’ve encountered; both racially and gender wise. Important to remember that pop music around the Willennium wasn’t just white dudes skanking, it was also white dudes crunking.

Devon: Saying all this, the album does not feature the Digi-rap, so really, how good can it be in reflecting hip hop? Big Willie wishes he could rap narrative events of an anime.

Alexander: There are arguments for and against this album, and our entire discussion could be compounded down to this elegant and simple comment.

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Devon: Kostelo21, you are taking our jobs. He may or may not be crap, but that’s no detriment to a man’s astute critical thesis. It is an epic OST.

Alexander: After Forever, this is the only other album so far we can definitively and objectively recommend, listening to unironically and personally. I am so goddamned glad we listened to this because I was on the verge of death after that double bill of skank. A much needed palate cleanser.

Devon: I’d give it a big double thumbs up; right up a giant mechanical spider’s butt hole. Could we possibly, ethically, and morally recommend the motion picture that inspired this good, good album?

Alexander: I think so, with a big asterisk; go and see Wild Wild West* *If you’re okay with racism, homophobia, transphobia, giant mechanical spiders, Kenneth Branagh’s cartoonish acting, and hours of frightening confusion.

Devon: I watched Men In Black again quite recently, and that holds up so much better; a legitimately entertaining film for the whole family. For a film that opens with literal aliens disguised as Mexicans caught crossing the border, MIB dodges enormous bullets that all seem to magnetise to Wild Wild West like buzz saws to weird neck braces.

Alexander: The fact that it was aliens meant that all the weird content was palatable, because aliens can be as weird as you like. This is a historical film set in a well documented time, we blatantly know these events couldn’t have happened, guys. I feel we’ve had a far stronger epilogue this time, given we’re not emotionally exhausted by the end.

Devon: Let’s end then on the imagined image of Alexander and myself riding into the hazy sunset horizon aback a giant mechanical spider. If yours has a steampunk CD player, consider giving this album a listen.

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